You Win Again Skynet/An Ode to Shawn Doss

So I found an article on how having a beer gut is apparently trendy in Brooklyn right now. I found it here: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/13/fashion/13POTBELLY.html?_r=3&scp=1&sq=hip%20to%20be%20round&st=cse?no_interstitial

But this link looks like shit. And that's a serious indictment. I'd like to put something clever in the link field and then you click on something that says "Hell Yeah!" or something sassy like that, because I want to sound sassy. But the interweb and by extension, computers hate me. They do. Don't think that they don't, because I know that someone reading this is. I should not have to spend two hours trying to figure out how to be e-clever, but apparently blogger thinks I should. So I suppose from here forward, I get to post cumbersome links, that are 100% sassy free. This causes much sadness in my world. I guess that ought to tell you where my head is.

In regards to this article though, I'm pretty excited. I've finally made it. I'm going to poor beer into ice cream and eat it for lunch. I'm going to melt my weight set down into an iron lung, because breathing is so 2008. I'm going to model myself after Shawn Doss, a kid I went to school with. Shawn exclusively wore sweat clothes. He was the Don of the Magic the Gathering set. He bullied his grandmother (Me-Maw) into giving up her SSI money so he could afford the best cards. I mean, that Black Lotus isn't going to buy itself now is it?

I have it on good authority that Shawn had a tape that only had 'Highway to the Dangerzone' on it, over and over again. Apparently his number one hobby aside from terrorizing his grandmother out of her money was to pound down bowls of chili and rock Kenny Loggins. For Shawn, consuming chili in mass quantity was the highway to the dangerzone. This has the unfortunate effect of making us all consider what exactly the dangerzone itself is. I'd rather not speculate myself.

So here's to Shawn Doss. The coolest guy in Brooklyn right now. Suck on that Sonic Youth.